How to get your Tinder game on point

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Tinder has helped a generation get laid. But there’s no guarantee that you’ll get action every time you swipe right. Boys and girls, just because you swiped and/or are lucky to have met doesn’t mean you get to extract sexual favours or expect it from them. It’s not your birthright, or theirs. Also, I’m pretty sure the app doesn’t mention this anywhere! So don’t give someone a hard time if they want to go home after the first date, just because you met them on Tinder.

But how do you make sure you’ll get lucky and not spend your evening on a wasted date? Here are a few tricks to help you navigate the tricks of the Tinder trade.

1. The secret is in the Bio

I know the boys don’t care about this, but this is a determining factor for most women using the app. Boys, get a spanking bio and you may get spanked (bad one, but no guarantees here too!). Don’t copy paste quotes from Rumi if you’re a quintessential fuckboy.

No no no!

2. Wren and Martin, Thesaurus and maybe a dictionary

It’s okay if a language isn’t your first and you’re trying to communicate. Kudos. But trust me, you’re not saving time by using abbreviations, babez.

Chill-pilltz the f&@k out!

3. DickPics aren’t attractive

Nope. Nothing to see here.

Seriously.

4. Don’t ask for my number to ‘hang out’

If you want to get laid, we have to meet. If we meet, it’s a date. If you want to have sex, we go on a date, NOT ‘hang out’. Go ‘hang out’ with your buddies, but they won’t give you head.

Boy, you gotta get your sh&t together!

5. Don’t post celebrity pictures

I have half a brain, I know I’m not swiping on Ranbir Kapoor.

Cynthia’s single now!

6. Respond immediately

If we’ve swiped and it’s customary for you to send a ‘hi’ immediately, be sure to respond before you make it to the bottom of my matches and out of my mind.

Or try, try, try!

7. Coffee is so 1998

Buy me a drink ya!

Me and beer, together, forever and ever!

8. You and I may be sleeping with the team, but make me feel like the MVP

Even hoes are people!

Boss-level game!

9. Don’t be a pig

I love how women are encouraged to eat on dates. But did you really have to get the anchovies with raw onion tempered with garlic? Get out of my bed!

Roast chicken game on point!

Sanjana Chowhan’s Swipe Right for Boss is now available on the Juggernaut app here.

 

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