I woke up this morning and saw that a friend had messaged me on Whatsapp – ‘Planning to go out on a romantic dinner date with girlfriend on Valentine’s day. Can you suggest a nice girlfriend please?’ I cracked up. As an engineer from IIT, he finds Schrodinger’s wave equation easier to understand than women. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find him a girlfriend. He then asked me to give him a few tips, so that he won’t at least be single on the next Valentine’s day (i.e. in 2017). Now, we all know nobody knows what women want, and even if I compile the tips and write a thousand-page book, it would barely scratch the surface. But I tried, and sent him these 5 tips:
1. Fuck Logic: It’s a universal truth that guys tend to think logically, whereas girls think emotionally. So using logic to understand women is like using emotions to understand computer programming. It just doesn’t work! How else would you explain a pretty girl falling for a jerk? How else would you explain her telling you to get lost but wanting you to come back to her? How else would you…you got the drift, right? The point is, never use logic to understand women. Just understand her emotions and feelings, and play along.
2. Be funny, but don’t be a joker. No queen has ever fallen for the court jester: They say, if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. I am not sure about ‘anything’, but I am sure you can make her ‘fall in love’ with humour. Girls absolutely love guys who are witty and can make them laugh, but you should know where to draw the line and not end up being a clown.
3. Don’t try to impress her: The best way to impress a girl is by not trying to impress her at all. It may seem counter-productive, but it isn’t. Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp, Instagram etc., a girl gets bombarded with attention today. Almost every Tom, Dick and Harry tries his best to impress her, and if you join this bandwagon, even if you are Tom and Harry, she will treat you as just another Dick. The best way forward is to remain cool, talk casually and be confident. Eventually, she will understand that you are not just another guy and will crave for your attention.
4. Be mysterious, like a modern day painting, because the moment she figures you out is when she begins losing interest: Girls love an enigma. Once you show up on her mind’s radar, she will try to figure you out through your actions and words. Make that process enjoyable to her by revealing one detail at a time, and also by leaving her craving for more. Remember, it’s more important to run in her mind than to run after her.
5. Chase excellence. Success, money, fame and girls will follow: Have you ever seen a successful or popular guy not dating an attractive woman? Me neither. So choose a particular field of interest that girls like and become great at it. Everything else, including girls, will follow you automatically.
As I said, it’s impossible to write everything about girls, let alone in an itsy-bitsy article like this. But the last, and the most important, point is to learn the art of flirting as you learnt how to walk or to cycle in your childhood. Try, fail, learn and repeat the same steps, until you become a master at it. The road will be bumpy in the beginning, but once you cross the tipping point, the ride will be smooth, literally.
(Taufeeq is the author of the upcoming romance novel, Finding Juliet)