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Falling in love is the best feeling in the world. But sometimes, we can take it too far. Like the woman who posed as a hotel maid and stalked Andy Murray across Europe. Her version of love was to wake up the Wimbledon champion by sitting on his bed and stroking his arm. Although Murray underplayed it by saying, ‘It was a bit extreme’, let’s think about the scenario: was the woman an over enthusiastic fan or just plain ol’ crazy?

Love is great and all, but being in love makes people do crazy things. And stalkers usually refuse to acknowledge they’re taking things into the creepy zone. If you’ve ever wondered whether you could be one, try these two questions: Are you wooing someone who isn’t returning your affections? Worse, are they even aware that you exist? If your answer to these two questions is yes, perhaps it’s best you know the other symptoms of being a stalker:

1) Facehook

Facebook is the official stalking platform. Checking out your love’s profile is fine. But if you’re ALWAYS on your love’s page, constantly reading between the lines of their posts, seething when they like or comment on another guy/girl’s posts, that’s your first warning bell. Then, if you’re sending them daily messages without any response, that’s the second bell. And if your love has put up a party invite (closed group) and you’ve managed to wrangle out the deets and turned up at the party – hello! You’re an official stalker! Leave that level of intensity for other pursuits! It’s Facebook, not your kundlis. Take a break from the screen and do your thing. And by that, I don’t mean stalk.

2)  Your love’s shadow is YOU

So you want to see your love all day and all night. But that’s not how things work, chump. You can’t follow your love to their college or workplace unless they’ve asked you to be there. That includes calling their office and hounding them. And just because they checked in on FB to a new restaurant, you don’t have to follow them there. Surely you have a life too?

3)  Body language

A key sign to self-diagnosing if you’re harassing your love is to pay attention to their body language. If they’re clearly sneering at what you say or making an excuse to leave the minute you join them, it’s not exactly love they feel for you. And if they duck when they see you coming – that’s definitely not a good sign at all!

4)  Always broke

We all express our love by gifting things. But if you’re chronically out of money because you’re always sending your love perfumes for Valentine’s Day and flowers every other day, you’re going overboard.

 

5)  That green-eyed monster

Here’s another scenario: You hate it when your love chats or interacts with anyone from the opposite sex. Even when they’re just being friendly. One day, you find yourself on your knees in a filthy parking lot, letting out air from the Scooty of your love’s girl/boyfriend. Now, you’ve wandered into dangerous territory. You’re not in love, you’re in Psycho zone. Love that is returned is wonderful, but you can’t get mad if they don’t love you back. So throw away the nanny cam you plan to install in your love’s bedroom and ask for help – right now. Yes, truly!

So, boys and girls, remember: stalking, not cool! Just cry yourself to sleep, rather. And stay away from anyone who tells you, Nahin yaar, they like it when you pursue them!

 

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Shraddha Sahi’s A Great Fall is now available on the Juggernaut app here

 

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