How to get away with an office quickie!

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Office romances are often imagined to be dark, elusive and mysterious, but are actually ridiculously obvious and mostly hilarious (till someone gets fired). I try to maintain a strict ‘Don’t crap where you eat’ (I’ve never figured out whether the ‘crap’ bit refers to the sex or the office), but in case you’re sucked into the copyroom for a hot sesh, here’s how you can keep both your jobs.

Don’t make out in front of your colleagues Seriously, I like to digest my coffee. Don’t ruin it with your tonsil hockey in front of people that pay you to be there.

Wipe down the tables in the conference room once you’re done Steer clear from doing the deed at work, but if you must, indulge in a little good housekeeping. Basic hygiene. It’s hot when you’re doing it, but some people actually work in conference rooms.

Avoid saying ‘Fuck me in the conference room now’ on office chat It’s hard to keep track of what chats are going where with windows open everywhere, but for the sake of unsuspecting individuals, try not to make any contact (unless official) on work chats. Take a moment before you hit the send button, or the whole building will know how you like it!

Don’t eat your food seductively at lunch Maybe others around you actually want to eat and enjoy their meal. You may think it’s private, but is it really? If you sit together, work together and eat together, your colleagues may start feeling they need to give you privacy and exclude you from conversations because they won’t know what you’ll say to your cubicle squeeze.

Remember CCTVs record only video Talking dirty to each other after hours is totally acceptable, remember CCTVs don’t record sound!

Stationery is sacred Your colleagues don’t need to know where the staplers have been. Also, try to lay off the highlighters.

Read the rulebook Although, there aren’t specific laws that prevent workplace romances, each company might have its own policy, because of issues like confidentiality and conflict of interest. Promotions and break-ups also open a sea of opportunities for blackmail and harassment by spurned lovers.

Is your partner a team player? Office romances often leave you in a vulnerable position, because you’re bringing your personal life into your workspace. In this event, it’s best to ensure you’re the only one playing hooky in the storage closet rather than be just another one he/she takes for the team!

Cubicle Flirt It’s far hotter to slowly look up from your table at your partner or then lightly brush past your lover, than it is to hang over them constantly. Keep it private and confidential, always.

Ensure you’re bloody good at your job No matter how strong external factors may be at play, an office romance will be the easiest and most convenient reason for your failures, even if you’re just having a bad day. If you’re going to bring love to work, also make sure you bring your A game!

Sanjana Chowhan’s erotic story, Swipe Right for Boss, is now available on the Juggernaut app here. Our Office Quickies series, every Wednesday at 10 p.m., will have practical lessons on succeeding at an office romance.  

 

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